Travelogue, Epilogue

Hill Cumorah

On the drive home, I saw a sign that I recognized from my LDS upbringing. Hill Cumorah was featured as one of the tourist sites at the next exit, which announced Palmyra, NY as one of the destinations. The Hill Cumorah is a revered site in LDS/Book of Mormon history:

In A.D. 421, Moroni, the last survivor of a great civilization that had inhabited the Americas since about 600 B.C., buried in this hill a set of gold plates on which was recorded the history of his people. In 1827, Moroni returned as an angel and delivered the plates to Joseph Smith, who translated them and published them as the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ.

I had always heard about this place growing up and yet, had never gotten to visit. My wife's aunt and uncle, who are LDS, had visited and spoke of it like a great spiritual event. As if visiting somehow made them closer to God and strengthened their faith. I thought, 'What the heck! I'm here. I have time. I'm going.'

I pulled off the Thruway, paid my toll, and proceeded along the rural highway. It wasn't long, maybe a mile or two up the road and there it was--a large Visitor's Center, in true Mormon style; made of white granite stone, manicured grounds, complete with the same statue of the Mormon version of Jesus that is found in every LDS Visitor's Center.

It was still early in the morning, and it was Sunday morning to boot, so I figured that the Visitor's Center wouldn't be open. As I drove past the building in the parking lot, I noticed a road that went behind the Center and appeared to wind up and behind the hill. There wasn't a closed gate, so I decided to head up the hill.

By now, you may be anticipating some thrilling climactic event. But, that's just the thing, I drove up the hill, the road went past the camp facilities on the backside of the hill and wound itself all the way up to the parking lot at the top of the hill (Just about 50 yards to the right of the monument in the picture, behind some trees) and nothing happened!

There was no confrontation with Mormons, or spirits. I didn't feel anything. No closer to God, no great spiritual revelation, no sense of being on hallowed ground. Not even pity or animosity towards those who believe what I no longer believe. I am so surprised at how anticlimactic it was.

I drove away and as I turned back onto the road, I noticed some of the most beautiful leaves on the trees, and took a couple pictures for a friend who lamented on having missed the "glory of fall". As the hill disappeared in the rear-view mirror, I was suddenly aware of why my relationship with God is not tied to holy sites. I have no need to make pilgrimages to complete my experience of God. And THAT is a kewl thing!!

Previous Comments:

John 4:21-23 Jesus declared, "Believe me,... a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem... a time is coming AND HAS NOW COME when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks."

Isn't it grand that because of Christ we now worship in our hearts (internally) rather than in a certain geographical location, or church building, (externally).

Posted by Sandy on October 29, 2003 at 04:08:10 PM

Lost Souls

I talked to a soldier today out at the smoking area. A young soldier just starting out in the MOS I started my active duty career in. I asked him why he joined. He shrugged, "I don't know. I just didn't have anything else to do since I wasn't going to college."

Sounds really similar to the reasonings of a young high school graduate a decade and a half ago. The military serves as a haven for all kinds of lost souls, each looking for fulfillment in a closed society that could not be found in the regular open society. Only the rules really aren't that different and the same social situations and their problems still exist.

Still, whatever we were looking for, or attempting to fulfill, we have all found ourselves here.

The Matrix Reloaded discusses the issues of choice, control, purpose, and how those three are related. Often, under the pretext of choice, we have given up control in the pursuit of purpose. That is exactly how people find themselves in the Army. As The Oracle told Neo, we often ponder what our purpose is long after we've already made the choice as to what our purpose will be; when the real question is, trying to understand why we've made the choice at all.

Previous Comments:

Thanks for this very probing insight, my brother!! It's good to be able to connect with you this way.

Love, Jim
Posted by the shovel on November 18, 2003 at 08:04:26 PM


Good to "hear" your "voice"...
Posted by RickinVa on November 18, 2003 at 08:19:41 PM


This is so good, Bill!

Prayers and hugs to you from all your pals!
Posted by Mickey on November 18, 2003 at 08:58:30 PM

Balancing the Checkbook, Part 2

Originally posted on 9 August 2003 at 08:10 AM.

Yesterday, my wife finally discovered the error in her accounting that caused our Checking balance discrepancy; she added some numbers wrong.

Just how many of our issues in life are because we've misread the numbers? At the time, I'm sure it seemed like the right answer, but time revealed that it wasn't. In fact, the more time went on the greater the disparity appeared to be, between what my wife believed our checking balance was and what the Bank said it actually was. The error became magnified in her own mind so much that she dedicated an excessive amount of time and effort trying to overcome it.

It was all to no avail. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't make the problem go away. It was only when she realized the truth, that the Bank keeps better records than she does, that she was able to see the mistake for what it was. When she did that, the problem simply disappeared. No more discrepancy, no more worry, no more doubt.

Previous Comments:

A very special thanks to my wife, who actually enjoys that I do something on the computer that involves her, even if indirectly. Thanks, honey, for being my "muse"!! :-)

Posted by: HarryTick at August 4, 2003 03:54 PM

Bro ... this is an excellent reality-check illustration!

Jim

Posted by: the Shovel at August 9, 2003 09:07 AM

Balancing the Checkbook

Today, my wife is trying to balance the checkbook. Somehow she can’t make all the debits and credits match up to the value the bank says is in our account. “How can we have that much money when all my ledger shows is that we are in the red?” she asks.

You know, the bank promised to keep an accurate record of our account. I’m pretty sure that what they say we have (minus any outstanding checks) is true. My wife begins to worry about how we’re going to “make it” and what she’s going to have to change in able to “get by”. I trust the bank because I understand that they have a really strong motivation for keeping good records.

God keeps pretty accurate records, too. I’m never able to figure out how I could possibly have the value that He says I do. All the debits and credits in my life seem to never match up. If the two disagree, who should I believe? Me? I’m no good at keeping track of everything or properly balancing the ledger (if that is possible). But I trust Him because He too has a very strong motivation for keeping good records. He says that I am worth(y of) the love He has for me. I have to trust that! My only other option is to believe my record keeping which continually points out how short I’m falling.

My Kingdom For a Stick of Chewing Gum!

I’ve learned something in the last few years of flying helicopters; I’m just no good without a stick of gum in my mouth. Some people will smile and just brush these things off as “superstition”, but I’m here to tell you it is the absolute truth and has been proven time and time again. I’m not very good when I’m focused on thinking through the motions it takes to fly, but I become an above average pilot the second I stick a piece of gum in my mouth. It’s not that I believe the gum makes me better, it is that the act of chewing distracts me enough to allow my less conscious, yet more capable self to take care of the more mechanical details of flying. I am then able to use my mental capacities to accomplish other things like talking on the radio, navigating, accomplishing mission tasks, etc.

If I am concentrating on making sure I don’t sin I am also distracted from living life, ministering to people, and expressing God’s love. The grace of God, the total forgiveness He has given me, allows me to accomplish the things that God has for me to do rather than being mired down in struggling to keep from repeating mistakes. This is the purpose that God has created me for; an unrestricted love relationship with Him and the opportunity to serve as an expression of His unbounded love!

Grace. It lasts a good long time!

The Replacements

Movies….do you think there is a theme here? :)

In the movie “The Replacements”, a bunch of self-involved football players go on strike and quit playing until the owners agree to pay them what they’ve decided what they’re worth. And one team, the Washington Sentinels, is only four games (three wins) away from the playoffs. In their place is created a team who is untouched by the perception of playing for money, to whom winning is still the main goal.

Jesus is OUR replacement.

Hope vs. the Fear of Loss

My family and I went to see Disney Pixar’s “Finding Nemo” today (Fathers Day). It’s a cute animated story about a father who loses almost everything that brings meaning to his life, and how he is left with one thing, his son, and has to learn to deal with the potential loss of Nemo as well. It is amazing how much of a fine line there is between the fear of loss and hope. Perhaps that is what Jesus meant?

“Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.” – Luke 14:25-27

Happy Birthday!

Yesterday, we had a birthday party for my son; he’s two years old. His birthday was actually Wednesday, but we were trying to have the party at the park so we could invite friends. He’s still not too sure about how this birthday thing works, but he knows that he likes parties with cake and ice cream and presents. Later on, he’ll become more aware of the correlation between that specific day and the party and presents and the cake, but it will still only be a reflection and a celebration of the truth that happened so many years ago.

Our life in Jesus is much the same. The reality of the event, our salvation, has already occured and it merely awaits our becoming aware of it in order for the celebration to begin. Perhaps you hear some christians remark on a certain day for their “Christian Birthday” when they were saved. The truth is, our birthday already happened some 2000 years ago, and the parties begin to occur when we realize the truth of it.

Happy Birthday!

"Top Gun" vs. "Q1"

The esteemed designation of “Top Gun” is more than just the premise for a movie about Naval Aviation that showcases Tom Cruise. It is the epitome of the profession of arms, ranking right up there with ‘expert’ and ‘elite’, and so much more classy than “The Best of the Best” (also a hokie hollywod movie). The ‘Top Gun’ is the person (or crew) who has performed the best overall and has excelled in what becomes the measure of a pilot (or a tanker). It is bragging rights for at least another year, as the best shooter in the unit; the man or men who have proven that they can put the steel on target better than the rest.

And then there is the qualification ranks. For instance, second place goes to those crews who were slightly less stellar than the Top Gun but who also attained first time “GO” on enough engagements. To these men and women goes the mark of “Q1”. Suffer a setback or two, whether they are the result of weapon problems or slightly lesser abilities, and you could earn the less dubious honor of “Q2” (second time around), and further on down the queue.

I am ‘Q1’ in my endeavors for mastering gunnery this year. I’m not entirely pleased with my efforts because there are obvious errors that I failed to catch and mistakes that were just plain stupid. Regardless, I could still hold my head high knowing that I have demonstrated a high level of proficiency in the use of the weapons on my aircraft. However, I am sucked into a black hole of self-evaluation about what I could have done better. The comment was made that others were remarking on my ability to engage the targets with a certain type of rocket. My response was that the “Best MPSM Rocket Shot Award” ranked right below “Miss Congeniality for Gunnery 2003”.

I want to be better. There is something in me, some part of me that is driving me to be better at everything I do. I am not perfect, and I have PLENTY of failures, but this same ‘thing’, even in the midst of my failures, continues to tell me that I am not defined by them. Get up, keep trying.

Now, before anyone thinks I’m off the deep end (more than I already am), or trying to go off the other end, I’m not. God loves us infinitely more than we could hope to qualify for. I am not trying to be worthy with what I do, but God has made me someone who seeks to do a thing better the next time I do it. I am a perfectionist, and a procrastinator, and many other things. There are some things that are in me that I have blamed myself for making me into when they were really there all along. They are a blessing of my Father in Heaven and I am really enjoying getting to know these parts of me!

I will do better next time. Hopefully it won’t be a full year, but I am definitely looking forward for the opportunity to reach for a mark. It’s something worth “shooting” for!

Shot in the "Dark"

Some days I just come up with a title and no idea what to put behind it. I came up with this one yesterday. I had gone out to shoot during aerial gunnery and the weather creeped in on us. Before the weather got too bad and we had to land and shutdown, I got to fire some rockets. I couldn’t see the targets with the naked eye, they were 3500 meters away with clouds drifting in front of them. And although the clouds weren’t dark, it was that thought of shooting the rockets into something I couldn’t see through that gave me the idea for the title.

The real shot in the dark came today when I was, once again, out on the range. This time I had completed my turn at the targets and was sitting at the base of the range tower watching my fellow pilots and soldiers taking their turns. I thought of who I could share that moment with, and I thought of one of my friends, Marc. Marc was never in the military, but he’s always enjoyed military aviation and we met on a online game. The shot in the dark was that what I was going to offer would be appreciated.

I dialed the cell phone number that I had for him and got a Verizon Wireless message that he no longer had that phone number. I dialed his home number and his answering machine picked up. What I had for my friend wasn’t a whole lot, just the sound of rockets screaming down the range. It didn’t quite turn out the way I wanted, the pilots took a bit longer than I thought they would between the shots and my phone didn’t quite capture the sound exactly. But the effect was perfect because a friend appreciated the opportunity to be included in my life because I do something that is unique. A shot in the dark….that hit the mark!