"Top Gun" vs. "Q1"

The esteemed designation of “Top Gun” is more than just the premise for a movie about Naval Aviation that showcases Tom Cruise. It is the epitome of the profession of arms, ranking right up there with ‘expert’ and ‘elite’, and so much more classy than “The Best of the Best” (also a hokie hollywod movie). The ‘Top Gun’ is the person (or crew) who has performed the best overall and has excelled in what becomes the measure of a pilot (or a tanker). It is bragging rights for at least another year, as the best shooter in the unit; the man or men who have proven that they can put the steel on target better than the rest.

And then there is the qualification ranks. For instance, second place goes to those crews who were slightly less stellar than the Top Gun but who also attained first time “GO” on enough engagements. To these men and women goes the mark of “Q1”. Suffer a setback or two, whether they are the result of weapon problems or slightly lesser abilities, and you could earn the less dubious honor of “Q2” (second time around), and further on down the queue.

I am ‘Q1’ in my endeavors for mastering gunnery this year. I’m not entirely pleased with my efforts because there are obvious errors that I failed to catch and mistakes that were just plain stupid. Regardless, I could still hold my head high knowing that I have demonstrated a high level of proficiency in the use of the weapons on my aircraft. However, I am sucked into a black hole of self-evaluation about what I could have done better. The comment was made that others were remarking on my ability to engage the targets with a certain type of rocket. My response was that the “Best MPSM Rocket Shot Award” ranked right below “Miss Congeniality for Gunnery 2003”.

I want to be better. There is something in me, some part of me that is driving me to be better at everything I do. I am not perfect, and I have PLENTY of failures, but this same ‘thing’, even in the midst of my failures, continues to tell me that I am not defined by them. Get up, keep trying.

Now, before anyone thinks I’m off the deep end (more than I already am), or trying to go off the other end, I’m not. God loves us infinitely more than we could hope to qualify for. I am not trying to be worthy with what I do, but God has made me someone who seeks to do a thing better the next time I do it. I am a perfectionist, and a procrastinator, and many other things. There are some things that are in me that I have blamed myself for making me into when they were really there all along. They are a blessing of my Father in Heaven and I am really enjoying getting to know these parts of me!

I will do better next time. Hopefully it won’t be a full year, but I am definitely looking forward for the opportunity to reach for a mark. It’s something worth “shooting” for!