I purchased the Total Transformation program for my family, because my middle son suffers from ADHD. It is supposed to equip parents to be able to deal with the behavioral problems, something that the medical community has yet to do for us, even though they've diagnosed him as having ADHD.
One of the situations the program discusses is to avoid questions that begin with "Why".
"Why did you make that mess?" or, "Why isn't your room cleaned up?"
The program explains that the question why gives the child an opening, an opportunity, a blank check, if you will, to blame someone or something else. It allows the child to deflect the focus from their own behavior and onto someone else's. It allows them to justify their behavior.
I think that, as adults, we've learned to take this and make it more effective by using the question why for ourselves, to distract others from addressing our perceptions; to justify feelings of self-pity.
"Why does this have to happen to me?"
"Why can't I be happy?"
1 comment:
Hi Harry,
I'm glad to find you again after Rick mentioned you on his blog.
The last year or so I've been working with a neurodevelopmentalist to rid myself of ADD symptoms. Doctors will say it is impossible, but the home program they developed for me has been a real answer to prayer.
It was getting so I was having trouble reading and now that is improving. The self-pity thing rings true for me. :)
http://www.ican-do.net/cando_services.htm
Anyway, best wishes.
Leslie (formerly of The Insomiac)
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